Recap of "The Package" Recap

Woo-- Doc really outdid himself with this one! Sometimes his Sun and Jin recaps can be boring filler, but this was definitely one of the more pleasant surprises of the year. The recap came in at a whopping TEN pages, which might seem strange considering his recap of the 2-hour season premiere was only seven, but he more than justified the length with an in-depth discussion of anarchist philosopher Mikhail Bakunin, while using enough quotations to make it look like my high school thesis paper (sometimes wider margins and Comic Sans are not enough to hit 5 pages!). And I think it sort of had to do with Lost, too. Something about Jacob and the Man in Black reenacting Romeo and Juliet with a murder-suicide... Oh, Doc! Such a romantic.

Apparently Doc felt really emotional about this week's episode, "The Package," because he tugs on the heartstrings from the very first sentence ("The dream of a happy ending for Jin and Sun died in me last night.") Personally I think that's a little bit overdramatic; we've still got 6 episodes left ("...until the series finale!"). Doc was also baffled by Jack pulling a random tomato out of his bag like an old-timey magician. What's that in your ear, Sun? Why it's a juicy, red metaphor! How'd that get in there?! He thinks maybe the tomato means Sun and Jin have to let their dreams die too. Or maybe not. Doc is very conflicted on the tomato issue.

After that, you can pretty much skip to the middle of page 2, because Doc just tells us about Sun's and Jin's stories from the original (season 1-5) timeline. We all know that stuff, Doc. We already read it in your other recaps.

But definitely don't skip any further ahead, because Doc is gonna tell you about Jin and Sun having sex. He was really into the part when Sun unbuttoned her blouse; he slows down the recap to really let us see it over again in our minds. And over, and over... He also lapses into some kind of Asian-stereotype recap-mode for a brief moment ("She asked: Did he like? Jin liked very much...").

Pages 3-10 are a fairly straightforward recap of the episode's events, with Doc's trademark flourishes of wit and mock outrage sprinkled about for good measure. However, I've got to say that I am a little concerned, because clearly around page 9, Doc started to get a little bit tired. Who is this "Charles Wilmore" guy he keeps mentioning? I can't stand these continuity errors; they really mess with my suspension of disbelief during Doc's column. Now I remember I'm just reading a stupid article that somebody made up. What has my life become?

But Jeff won me over in the end. My favorite part of this week's column was, unsurprisingly, the CLIFFHANGER!! After 10 pages of meticulous, relentless introspection, Doc drops this bomb: "Stuff we didn't talk about..." !!!!!!! Oh, man! That is the way to keep me coming back for more-- get me to read 10 pages and then quickly end by telling me all the things you didn't have time for! It raises so many questions: Will Doc address these issues in his Friday preview column? Will he add some sort of supplementary column for the overflow this week? Couldn't he have squeezed some of these into his 10 pages of copy? WE NEED ANSWERS, DAMN IT! But alas, we will have to wait another week... Sometimes I think I should just wait until the season is over and read all of Doc's recaps back to back.