Recap of "Everybody Loves Hugo" Recap

Hello to my loyal reader! The bad news first: This week's recap will be especially short. The good news: It's because I wasted all my time editing the very special premiere episode of our "Totally Lost" analysis show, "Totally Doc Jensen"! But before we get to that--

Sleeping Beauty, Anti-Christ, Pretty Woman, Kiss' "All Hell's Breaking Loose"... and those were just the references in the first paragraph! Yes, it was that kind of week in the land of Jensen. But then again, isn't every week that kind of week with Doc?

Amazingly, Doc's recap, entitled "Well, Well, Well", managed to cite over 62,000 cultural references in just 10 pages. A new record! That breaks down to 1.4 PER WORD!!! How does he do it??

I find a good rule of thumb in predicting Doc's scattershot, arbitrary and damn near meteorological patterns of analysis is, "As Jack goes, so goes Jeff Jensen." Well, I wouldn't have included this unless I was proven right this week: right on page 2, Doc basically parrots Jack's new philosophy of not giving 2 shits about anything on the island, because it is all equally retarded. He says it in a slightly more publishable way, though ("I'm beginning to think that the world of Lost [sic], there is no such thing as 'the right move to make.'")

Then, in a move no one could have predicted, Doc does something a little avant-garde and decides to divide his normal back-and-forth, schizophrenic train of thought into bold questions and plain-fonted answers. I guess it's nice to formalize your insanity sometimes; it helps you gain some semblance of control back, right Doc?

Do you think that was a nice thing to say?

No, I'm very sorry. I often have a 48-hour period of guilt after each of my recaps.

Anyway, Doc dropped some names this week that definitely got my fanboy attention-- Pink Floyd, Seinfeld, German social psychologist Erich Fromm (definitely the stud of the Frankfurt School of critical theory!). And if you want to find out more about any of the references from Doc Jensen's column this week, just hit the "Random Article" button on Wikipedia. Statistically speaking, you're likely to land on something Doc has connected to Lost in his latest recap. Plus, that's probably how he comes up with this stuff anyway.

And now, without further ado: TOTALLY DOC JENSEN! Enjoy!

(NOTE: My low-rent blog is having trouble fitting the full video in the layout, so click HERE to watch on YouTube.)

Recap of "Happily Ever After" Recap

Someone told me this blog would be better if I added pictures

like in other people's recaps, so here you go.

They might be the most chilling words in all of Doc Jensen lore: "We could wonder if the looking glasses really are remote viewing devices, or windows into parallel worlds, or (my theory) magic mirrors that conjure metaphorical representations of the heart state of the Numbered candidates who gaze into the glass."

Luckily, those words were not included in this week's Doc Jensen recap, entitled "The End Begins Now." What was included was 11 pages of time-bending, dimension-swapping, head-exploding recapping as only Doc can provide (I was going to end that sentence with "head-exploding bullshit," but it read too mean).

I've gotta say, it's great to see that Doc is still keeping up the intensity even after nearly 6 seasons, and close to 1.5 million synonyms alone.

He does appear to be getting hungry, though.

It's obvious from the start that Doc felt a lot of vigor about this episode. He thinks it should be in the "Best Ever Episode" conversation, which is kind of like when I finally felt a girl's boob after a year-long drought in college and decided she was one of the "hottest girls in school." He says it's because this is the episode (and the answers) that he's been waiting for all year. I guess. He also thinks Mrs. Widmore's brooch is faaab-ulousss!

Moving right along, Doc decided to do his best Billy Mays impression and try to sell his brand-new "Doc Jensen At Home Theory Making Kit," which I personally feel is missing a few much-needed-hyphens. This kind of shameless shilling is really surprising coming from Doc, although the intellectual masturbation is perfectly expected.

Lube not included.

I think the biggest thing we need to discuss from this week's column is the controversy. You know Doc-- always causing trouble and offending us with his ramblings about a fictional show owned by Disney. He really put his foot in his mouth and theorized that all of the characters on the island will spiritually transmigrate through to the Sideways world by the end of the show. Ha! How could you say something so preposterously ridiculous, Doc?! Please stick to your normal M.O. of careful, empirical explanations of Lost, free of hyperbole.

Buy a link here.

Personally, I prefer my friend Andrew's theory that, since the Sideways characters have echoes and flashes of truth whenever they look at their own reflections, all of them just need to get haircuts before the end of the season.

Well, that's gonna be it for this week's recap. Your homework for next week: Reread Doc's recaps of "Numbers" and "Everybody Hates Hugo." Also next week: the premiere of our brand new companion series, Totally Doc Jensen. Tell your friends! (And feel free to keep the Doc discussion going by hitting me up on Twitter! @DocJensenRecap)

Recap of "The Package" Recap

Woo-- Doc really outdid himself with this one! Sometimes his Sun and Jin recaps can be boring filler, but this was definitely one of the more pleasant surprises of the year. The recap came in at a whopping TEN pages, which might seem strange considering his recap of the 2-hour season premiere was only seven, but he more than justified the length with an in-depth discussion of anarchist philosopher Mikhail Bakunin, while using enough quotations to make it look like my high school thesis paper (sometimes wider margins and Comic Sans are not enough to hit 5 pages!). And I think it sort of had to do with Lost, too. Something about Jacob and the Man in Black reenacting Romeo and Juliet with a murder-suicide... Oh, Doc! Such a romantic.

Apparently Doc felt really emotional about this week's episode, "The Package," because he tugs on the heartstrings from the very first sentence ("The dream of a happy ending for Jin and Sun died in me last night.") Personally I think that's a little bit overdramatic; we've still got 6 episodes left ("...until the series finale!"). Doc was also baffled by Jack pulling a random tomato out of his bag like an old-timey magician. What's that in your ear, Sun? Why it's a juicy, red metaphor! How'd that get in there?! He thinks maybe the tomato means Sun and Jin have to let their dreams die too. Or maybe not. Doc is very conflicted on the tomato issue.

After that, you can pretty much skip to the middle of page 2, because Doc just tells us about Sun's and Jin's stories from the original (season 1-5) timeline. We all know that stuff, Doc. We already read it in your other recaps.

But definitely don't skip any further ahead, because Doc is gonna tell you about Jin and Sun having sex. He was really into the part when Sun unbuttoned her blouse; he slows down the recap to really let us see it over again in our minds. And over, and over... He also lapses into some kind of Asian-stereotype recap-mode for a brief moment ("She asked: Did he like? Jin liked very much...").

Pages 3-10 are a fairly straightforward recap of the episode's events, with Doc's trademark flourishes of wit and mock outrage sprinkled about for good measure. However, I've got to say that I am a little concerned, because clearly around page 9, Doc started to get a little bit tired. Who is this "Charles Wilmore" guy he keeps mentioning? I can't stand these continuity errors; they really mess with my suspension of disbelief during Doc's column. Now I remember I'm just reading a stupid article that somebody made up. What has my life become?

But Jeff won me over in the end. My favorite part of this week's column was, unsurprisingly, the CLIFFHANGER!! After 10 pages of meticulous, relentless introspection, Doc drops this bomb: "Stuff we didn't talk about..." !!!!!!! Oh, man! That is the way to keep me coming back for more-- get me to read 10 pages and then quickly end by telling me all the things you didn't have time for! It raises so many questions: Will Doc address these issues in his Friday preview column? Will he add some sort of supplementary column for the overflow this week? Couldn't he have squeezed some of these into his 10 pages of copy? WE NEED ANSWERS, DAMN IT! But alas, we will have to wait another week... Sometimes I think I should just wait until the season is over and read all of Doc's recaps back to back.

DJR: Mission Statement

The mission of Doc Jensen Recap is simple: We all love the weekly thrill of reading Jeff "Doc" Jensen's Lost columns at EW.com: the mystery, the tension, the complex narrative structure. But for those of us who don't have time to investigate all of the obscure literary references, subtle compositional devices, or themes on our own, this blog will help you to better understand the context and mythology of Doc Jensen's work, so that you may ultimately enjoy it more thoughtfully and completely.*

Namaste,

Doc Jensen Recap

*Also with 70% less migraines and eye strains.